Spells for a Difficult Holiday Season

There's a lot of pressue to be happy during the holidays. After all, as the songs on the radio are constantly reminding us, "It's the most wonderful time of the year." Or, at least, that's how it's depicted in pop culture.

The reality is that the winter holidays can be pretty miserable for some of us. Maybe you've recently lost a loved one and feel a lot of grief about celebrating without them. Maybe you aren't on good terms with your family and don't have the option to go home for the holidays. Maybe, like me, you have religious trauma that is triggered by certain religious holidays like Easter and Christmas. Or maybe you're just stressed about the social pressure to buy gifts for everyone in your life while grocery and housing prices are continuing to climb. Whatever the cause, your humbuggery is valid.

Below are two spells to help you manage the winter holiday blues. 

Queen of Swords Spell for Defending Boundaries

The Queen of Swords is one of the tarot cards most strongly associated with boundaries. This Queen is all about setting boundaries, communicating boundaries with others, and being willing to defend our boundaries when necessary. Like all of the Swords cards, the Queen of Swords is about setting aside emotion to make the most logical decision for our own wellbeing -- and sometimes that means using that Sword energy to cut off abusive or toxic people. Even when we can't or don't want to end the relationship, the Queen of Swords helps us defend ourselves and demand fairness from the people in our lives.

This spell calls on the Queen of Swords archetype to help you defend your boundaries this holiday season. This might mean defending your decision not to see homophobic relatives at holiday gatherings, or your decision not to celebrate with people who misgender you. It might mean refusing to share space with your abuser, even if other members of your family still have a relationship with them. It might simply mean saying no to holiday party invitations when you're aleady fully booked. Wherever you need to strengthen and defend your boundaries, the Queen of Swords can help. 

You will need:

• An image of the Queen of Swords tarot card (either an actual card, or a printed out image of the card's art)

• A blue, white, or undyed candle 

• A candle holder 

• A needle, pin, or toothpick 

• Matches or a lighter 

• A neutral carrier oil, such as olive oil or vegetable oil

• Rosemary essential oil

• Lavender essential oil 

• Several small boughs of holly and/or ivy

Casting the spell:

• Start by mixing your essential oils into your carrier oil to make a DIY protection oil. Measure out one teaspoon of your carrier oil, then add one drop each of the rosemary oil and lavender oil. 

• Consecrate this protection oil by saying something like, "May my boundaries be honored and protected. May I skillfully communicate my boundaries to others." Set the oil aside. 

• Set the Queen of Swords card in your working space. Speak to the figure on the card as you would to a friend. Explain the boundaries you need to set and how you plan to defend those boundaries. Ask the Queen of Swords to help you defend yourself. 

• Place your candle holder on top of the card. (You may want to use a larger dish to catch wax drips, especially if you're using the Queen of Swords card from a deck you use for readings.)

• Using the needle, pin, or toothpick, carve your full name and birth date into your candle. (Ex: "John Doe Smith 01/01/1990")

• Dress your candle with your homemade protection oil. To do this, pour the oil into your hands, then use your hands to rub the oil into the candle. Once it is completely coated in a thin layer of oil, set it in your candle holder. 

• Arrange the boughs of holly and/or ivy around the tarot card and the candle. Arrange the plants so they form a complete circle around your spell with no gaps. As you do this, ask the spirit(s) of the holly/ivy plant(s) and the spirits of the winter season to help you protect yourself. 

•  Light the candle. If you'd like, you can verbally state your boundary as you light it. (Ex: "I am no longer attending family gatherings if ____ is going to be there.") 

• As the candle burns, imagine yourself holding a sword. Imagine using this sword to protect yourself and your boundaries like the Queen on the tarot card. Keep this visualization going for as long as you can. 

• Let the candle burn down completely. If you need to take a break for any reason, put the candle out by snuffing it (not blowing on it) and repeat the previous visualization when you relight it to resume the spell. 

• After casting this spell, carry the Queen of Swords card on your person whenever you feel like you need extra help defending your boundaries. 

Note: None of us can control other people's actions. A boundary is a statement of what YOU will or will not do. It is not a demand for someone else to do something. While it's important for us to communicate our boundaries to the people in our lives, we can't force them to respct our limits. This is why it's so important to follow through with action after setting the boundary. (For example, if your boundary is that you won't attend family gatherings if an abusive relative is there, and your family goes behind your back to invite that person anyway, it's important for you to leave immediately so they see that you won't tolerate your boundary being crossed.) 

Winter Healing Bath Spell

This spell uses winter herbs and the element of water to help soothe the hurt emotions that sometimes come up during the holidays. Water is the element that rules the emotions, so it can be a powerful ally for spells related to healing from emotional pain. 

Turn to this spell for any and all painful emotions related to the holidays. Whether it's the sting of not being able to go home for the holidays, the ache of your first holiday season after losing a loved one, or simply exhaustion from all the busy chaos that comes with this time of year, this spell provides a gentle space for you to process and heal.

You will need: 

• 2 cups of epsom salt (if you don't have epsom salt, you can substitute table salt)

• Pine essential oil 

• Peppermint essential oil 

• Eucalyptus essential oil

Note: Peppermint essential oil contains menthol, which is what causes the "cold" feeling in your mouth after eating minty foods. This means adding peppermint oil to your bath may cause a cool tingling sensation when you soak in it. If this sounds unpleasant to you, feel free to leave out the peppermint essential oil or to replace it with rosemary essential oil.

Safety Note: You should always do a patch test to check for an allergic reaction before using any essential oil on your skin, including in a bath. Do not apply undiluted essential oils to your skin or add undiluted oils to your bathwater. Always mix the essential oils with a medium, like salt, before adding them to water. 

Casting the spell: 

• Add the essential oils to your epsom salt one at a time. (You only need to add 1-2 drops of each oil.) As you add each oil, speak to the spirit of that plant and ask them to help you heal. 

• After adding each new esential oil and invoking the spirit of the plant, mix the salt sunwise, i.e., in the direction of the sun's movement. (This is clockwise in the Northern hemisphere and counterclockwise in the Southern hemisphere.) As you stir, imagine your motions drawing in healing energy. 

• Once you have added all three essential oils, speak your incantation. This could be as simple as saying, "May I be healed," or could be more complicated. 

• If you have a bathtub: Add your homemade bath salts to a hot bath. As you soak in the bath, imagine a soothing, healing energy soaking into your body. This energy brings peace, clears away old or stuck emotions, and encourages healing. 

• If you only have a shower: Use the bath salts as a homemade shower scrub. Scrub the salt mixture into your skin and imagine scrubbing away old or stuck emotions and rubbing soothing, peaceful energy into your body. 

• After your bath or shower, try to do something nice to yourself to support your continued healing. (Making yourself a cup of hot chocolate is a great option!) 

If this is a difficult time of year for you, I sincerely hope that one or both of these spells is helpful. No matter what or how you celebrate, I wish you a winter season full of joy, blessings, and rest.